one-year dillema

It's been one hell of a year. An year to remember I guess, because things have never been so fluctuating in my life before. But now I think I'm getting better, although the changes, and I mean basic changes in my life, haven't stopped. I still need a better-paid job, a different house or a house of my own..things like that. But all I want in this world is not to lose myself...not to become something I now hate, not to do things I consider despicable right now....I don't want to forget about me in this speedy and material modern life. And I say this because money have become a hell of an issue lately. Maybe because of their scarce presence in my life, or maybe because I am surrounded by people who consider always a material interest in everything. Or so it seems...
I have no conclusion now....my blog is my relief, my escape sometimes, my confident, my shrink, my diary, my box of hidden thoughts... I write for myself and my writting reflects my mood, my state of spirit and my feelings. Dunno how it looks from the outside, I only know the inside :)...ranging from a white-pinkish atmosphere, to a blue-black one sometimes.
Right now I've come to the conclusion that I'll never marry. It's no purpose in doing that, as a girl, it has no meaning to be queen for a night, and depressed afterwards, when your new husband will be desiring every woman in the world but you, and will feel confined in a marriage he realizes he didn't want, that came too soon with too much responsibility. And I'm saying that because I actually know it happens... Not a very nice or pink perspective. And of course, there are cases that may counterdict my opinion. If so, I'm glad. However, I am currently feeling that marriage has no point whatsoever.
Other than that, my cat is very funny, but she managed to almost break one of her front arms last night, I ran quickly to the doctor with her, she is now ok:). But she cried like a baby last night, I felt so sorry for her.
And that would be all, folks!!!

It's been a long long time....I am so tired I can hardly think reasonably, I work like a robot in the heat, and I really don't feel it's summer. It's sad that I'm loosing that sense o f holiday I used to have when I was in school, even at the university. Now, the vacation month seems so short that I can barely make some plans for it.
I've been to a wedding two weeks ago, it was the perfect occasion for me to get dressed up and to wear make-up, and to be, you know, like my mother would like me to be, like a "lady". I t was not such a bad thing, but being a lady is very fatiguant, and too complicated for my simplist nature. I mean I know this about me, I like only one kind of sophisticated things, the simple-sophisticated things ( I know it's too much for you to understand, so you may skip this part :) ). Anyway, it was fun and I've got nice pictures to prove it.
And...I've got a cat. I had turtles, now I have a cat. It's a lovely little cat, very thin but very playful, I've got it only for several days and it's very funny, I am talking to her and she seems to understand me, we are even playing:), it's nice. So these are the latest news in the laimest style possible. I can't be insipred now....I am pretty dried out of everything, need to recharge for a while.