yaaaaaaaawwwwwwwnnnnnn

there are exactly 21 days until my holiday. Which is a lot, but still not that much, I mean, 21 days, it's like a summer storm, they end quickly. I just hope I'll get a chance to rest this holiday, I am just extremely tired. And this could be an excuse for my lack of inspiration and the writing pause. There were moments when I would have wanted to write, to explain a feeling or a sensation, but they lasted so little time, and I got caught up in so many other things that finally when I wanted to write, I realized.....I had just lost it.
Now I don't have anything in mind. Just thinking about my life as it is at this moment...I cannot complain. I did worse, I have to admit. I think I can do better. But I just don't have the motivation or the strenght to get those wheels movin'. Maybe after the miracolous holiday I am wainting for so much, maybe after that I could consider doing things. And maybe writing fresh stuff.
(Refresh memory)
I haven't analyzed things for a very long time. I guess I unconsciously imposed it in my mind, because it seemed my over-analysis was harming my relationship. But I know why I did it, it was because I got somehow hurt and I had to "exorcise" it out of me by defragmenting it, deconstructing it, so that it won't have any value at all.
God, I hate to be stressed when I'm writing!!! Gotta go back to work:((, hate this stupid job.

summertime...

summer, finally. I've been waiting for it for some time, and now that it's here, I'm a bit deshoriented, not sure how to react...Perhaps my summers were so far included in some kind of pattern. The only element of that pattern left for this summer is the moving from one house to another (it seems it's a leit motive of my life for the past 7 years or so). But for the rest...not sure how this summer is gonna be.
The only strong feeling I have right now is for the sea.... Cannot explain this profound attachment with the sea, and I don't mean those luxurious resorts with hotels and all kinds of facilities, but the kind of sea one can feel in a village by the sea, or sleeping on the beach...that's the sea I'm day-dreamin' of these days. And it's deeply connected with the desire for a perfect holiday, when you forget what time it is or what day it is, you're just enjoying moments of the day without limiting them to time and connecting them to reality. That's the perfect holiday to me....not being in a rush, not HAVING TO do something, not going anywhere unless you want to.
I had this kind of feeling only once in my "adult" life but the taste of it remained so present that my soul is yearning for it now.
Or maybe I am just extremely tired :).