blogs

It's very cold outside these days, but I kinda felt relieved that summer passed away, I didn't use it the way normal people do, I didn't go anywhere, I didn't have a proper vacation, I indeed feel frustrated about it, but hey, this isn't such a big deal after all, you know...
I've been reading some stuff about blogs, more about on the blog-phenomenon that's conquering Romania nowadays, and I must say my blog is not at all interactive or anything...I started well I guess, but I kinda lost interest on the way and it became just a webpage. It would have had more importance had I granted it some, but I rarely feel interested in much lately as I mentioned before..so I guess it lost the "human" touch. It became dull and grey, just like today and just like me these days. Still I find it interesting how blogs have a life of their own. I know somebody who has a common blog with some friends, it's more like a forum or a chat room, and they seem write about stuff, about things they are affected by, about facts, their oppinions..it's interactive all right and represents their common world. My world is about me alone, with my thoughts and my lack of interest, friends, vacation, carrier stability, anything. I started reading again though, which is good, I have to add this guy, Tom Sharpe, on my writers list. Although to some he's an old chap, to me he is brand new and I like that:).
uff, and that's about it for today. I have this obsessive thought about never having a driving licence in my life and I somehow must deal with it, but haven't found the solution yet. And it's getting really cold around here..brr

existing

After a week or so at the new job, I'm just beeing....cautious. Maybe I became over-prudent, I lack trust in people and I prefer just watching them for a while. Just to be sure (as if anyone can ever be 100% sure!) they're people I can rely on. Except for that, everything is ok, I guess. The new house is just big and cold, could never call this place "home" and I keep wondering when will I have a place of my own. I've been longing for it for so long that now I became a little skeptical about it. I used to picture it into my mind as I tried to fall asleep, I made various scenarios of what my house would look like. Now it's gone.. this was an over-used dream.
As a matter of fact I discovered I don't need anything anymore. I used to like things, I used to want stuff, like clothes or books, but now it's all gone. I don't even care what I eat as long as I am not hungry. How do I go back to beeing me? I feel like I lost interest in everything, and I generally am impartial, neutral, polite but cold, sometimes pretending I care, sometimes faking interest. Is that the new way of living? Is that the life style of my generation? I cannot say anymore. I am not sure I care.
Nevertheless I must admit I am not that tired anymore. Maybe because I start working at 10 a.m. which is much better, since I am closer to work than I was, I save a half an hour of sleep in the morning.
I still believe though that when I'll wake up from this thing I entered into, I will be able to find myself again...and I hope I won't be disappointed. And in the end, the system just dragged me in like in a vacuum. Five years ago I would have fought it. Now I just don't care...

always on the move

I'm moving again. I have a new job, next Monday will be the first day there, anothere TV station, a commercial one this time. I'm also moving to another house, an appartment this time, still no rent, lucky me. Things are shakin' up over here, and they're changing my world again. It's odd, but I am not enthousiastic, or afraid, or anything, maybe just a little bit worried. To tell ya the truth, I am sick of all that changing, I've had it, I need some peace and quiet, that's all. Hell, maybe I'm just too tired and just miss my summer hollidays an the sea. I haven't seen the sea yet, not this year. I wonder if I will...