Every time I begin writing, something wrong happens. And everytime I intend to write something comes up and I can't, and then, when I have all the time in the world to do it, I have nohing to say, just feel lobotomized and stupid and this makes me even more nervous.... Well, this mostly happens because I am tired very often, struggling with many things in the same time....sometimes I get lost in translation:). Just like yesterday when I was so tired I could barely think and keep my head up.... I slept 7 hours out of 48, and I also had to deal with my 8 years old pupils who are normally very funny but yesterday was more like a contest of "who is shouting louder" or "let's cheat on the test and see what happens, will she get mad?"... And after that, as I was walking home from the tram station, watching people, window shopping ( I saw a pair of cute shoes, I really like them), I suddenly realized that I hate going back to that lonely house... I like living there, I like the appartment, and I even like living alone sometimes, but yesterday I was feeling so weak and small in a world that moved so fast around me, that I just felt discouraged and alone... I needed someone to wait for me at home, I needed to get home and see the lights on, the TV turned on and somebody there....a warm house. That's what I needed. Instead I got home and a grey air floated there, my turtles were like dead, they didn't make a move...and that bed was so cold. And so I realized that living on your own is not all nice and funny as they say...sometimes you have to deal with moments like that.
And today is raining, a spring rain:). I noticed that everytime the season changes, there is a period of intensive rain...it's like preparing for the next season:). Well...as I said, I am weather dependent and this rainy atmosphere is very good for reading:). Oh, and yes, writing :).

april day

This spring is not like the last one at all..... That is not an entirely bad thing, maybe this spring, although not as "spectacular" in feelings as the last one, it's more stable (that's a key word, of course) and maybe more active. I'm doing stuff, solving problems that I left unsolved for a long time, I'm working on several levels so to speak....and that's very nice, I think. Of course, I couldn't do all that if it weren't for somebody to support and help me.... yesterday I felt quite surprised to see all that effort only for me, and that made me happy.
But....yes, there is a but....can't put my finger on it really well, it may have to do with spring mood and astenia, with a specific period I'm going through, it's just that all of a sudden I feel down, I feel there's no purpose in doing everything if I don't have that ...mood, that feeling, if I don't feel... desired, wanted. Something like that. I may be unfair right now, I mean what more could I ask, I am generally happy and I feel fine, I feel things are better and better, I am not entitled to complain I guess, and that's why I really have no idea why should I write about it, but it's a mood that won't go away. And that is all folks....I really cannot write in a normal way anymore....dunno why, maybe I should go on private. Iacs,....hate my mood.