almost weekend

I'm tired now. And so it happens that everytime I am tired it's dark outside, which only depresses me even more than the actual fatigue state does it already. This is one reason why I love summer so much. Because the night comes late and it's an optimistic kind of night, it's filled with people going out for a drink, it smells like holliday even though I'm working, and the evening in the city, when you can feel it live, pulsing with every step around you, that's a wonderful feeling to me.
Tonight I almost fell asleep in the bus, although the radio was on and the music was cheerful. People were looking at me, I could feel their pitty "oh, poor girl, she's so tired". Playing a nice scenario in my head didn't work either. I have some scenarios that make me daydream even by night: how I would like to decorate a house of my own, what would I do if I won the lottery, stuff like that. But tonight I had no inspiration whatsoever. My head was pretty empty in that area, so I tried to focus on people in my life. I also had a gloomy week, I had to attend a funeral, one of my friend's father died, it was so bad because it reminded me of my own father... So I've come to think of everybody I knew, people at work, friends, my colleagues from school, my friends from childhood...they are all in my life more or less, but what am I to them? Do they care that the winter and the dark make me feel down, are they happy right now? And when I die, will they remember me? Do I have to do things in order to be remembered? dunno really if it matters so much, in the end... We're all gonna die, but some of us ain't gonna die ugly.
I do many things right now but I don't have a clear, great purpose to achieve. I just live. Somewhere on Earth, there's me, living.
Well, I guess I don't have a specific purpose for this post. And I'm gonna watch a movie, play with Mika (she's ok, if you wondered) and sleep. And tomorrow...we'll always have tomorrow, won't we?

Snowy February

It's snowing. I've come to appreciate the snow, because when it snows, it's not that cold. It's 0 degrees C at most, and this is veeery good as compared to -10 degrees C the other days. I feel tranquil and serene again this morning, maybe because I had my part of sleep (that I needed, oh, so much) and now my mind is alert again, I have ideas running through my head like crazy, but they are in disorder, I have to organize them, put them on paper or so.
The only bit of a problem this morning is that I've come to realize that I grew very much apart from my friends, we haven't met since last year or since the New Year's Night, we still, talk, I mean I talk to some of them, but...thing is that I don't feel the need of talking to them. These people at work, they are somehow fulfilling this role in my life although it's a surrogate and I know it, soon I'll wake up all alone, but I don't need to speak to those girls. Maybe because they don't feel that either..so...I guess, that's it then, right?
Uff, I have to get dressed, my mother and Mooky are waiting for me, hopefully I'll have some pictures of that dog pretty soon. Ciao!

P.S. - My brother is living now in the appartment of an old lady named Signora Tulia. Every Sunday, mother and I call him on the phone, but of course, every time signora Tulia is answering. You should hear my Italian accent when I say "Buongiorno, signora, sono la sorella di Pietro, potrei parlare con mio fratello per favore?". First time even I couldn't help myself from laughing, the accent was too obvious, maybe hilarious.

subway

I've been traveling a lot by subway these days on my way to my English lessons, although I completely hate the subway. It's like we're rats, traveling underground, you can't see anything through the window, it's black, all you can see is the reflection of yourself and other bored people next to you. But it's an interesting way of looking at people; in a bus, I am too preoccupied with the exterior, buildings, people passing by, the atmosphere, but here I am forced to concentrate on my fellow passengers. I noticed that mostly old people read books, some of them have tabloids I sometimes take a peak of, or crosswords. Young people play games on their phones or just stare. Some of them ar not afraid to stare at you, making you feel pretty unconfortable. I only take glances of them and try to image what they're like, what's their life like and what's in their minds when staring at me or at their neighbour.
And might I just say that the difference between me and a 17 year old girl is, except the 10 years between us, not just the looks, but the fact that they are not wearings hats, their coats are short and they must be freezing now, but they just don't care, they have their hands red because of frost, and their ears too, whereas I have lots of clothes on and I am still afraid of being cold. See? that's the difference...they don't care if it's cold...