sincerely bad mood

So it seems now that everyone found out about my intentions to leave my job for another. And I spent quite a few hours thinking of how to break the news to the ladies in my office. And this because I felt like betraying them, I felt like I was leaving them like an unfaithful protegee, ungrateful of the life I had for four years. Looking back, I should be grateful to them, they helped me so many times that I can't remember, although of course, living together was not always easy. But all in all, they spoiled me like their own child and I felt somehow protected. But this had nothing to do with my carrier or my hopes in this life. I was not born, nor educated to remain a philology garduate working for an obscure chemistry magazine. It's not that I want fame or glory, I don't want to be a star or anything, but I want to feel motivated, to feel that I work for something and to see the results. I want to be in the middle of events, I want to feel that I LIVE, not that my brain is washed up by a strange chemistry formula I don't even know how to pronounce.
So I spit it out, the piece of news, and they reacted ok, they were not happy, a little bit sad, but ok. My boss, instead, got mad. I didn't even had the chance to tell him personally about it, but someone else did it for me, and so he was angry I didn't tell him face to face. I would have, had he been available. Now this bothers me so much that I can't help thinking about it all the time. I don't want to leave with a bad feeling. I'm just a bad break-upper I guess.
Well, I'm going to do the laundry now..