dazed and confused.... more confused:)

I decided to go to Barcelona on my birthday. Cristina and me. Just us girls. I just hope she won't find a guy until then and leave me alone:). But hey, this might be quite an experience, right?

Well, we tried to find tickets tonight and guess what? They are kind of expensive for low cost companies (we found tickets around 490 Euros for 2 persons, I mean, c'mmmmoooon). Searching for other ways to get there, she thought of asking at the railway station if there are some ways to go to Barca by train. Well, no trains go directly from Bucharest to Barcelona or anywhere, except for Venice, Italy (of course, we Romanians are kinda romantic people) and the ticket would cost like 170 euros one way for one person!!! That was very funny, she didn't have the nerve to ask how long this journey would last, this high price was too much for her.

In the end we decided to ask some advice from our boss, the Robi, he's the smart guy around there. And only after that (please notice the respect:P) buy the tickets.
My mother was a bit speechless hearing my latest wish, maybe because she thought she won't have me here for Christmas. I, for one, decided to be selfish this year and think about MY BIRTHDAY. To me it's not a waste of time. Not yet. I like my birthday. It makes me feel special and unique (as if I wasn't already!:))). The age might get me depressed, yes, but hey, who's thinking about that in Barcelona?

I'm going to sleep now, it's late. But I can't leave without the song that inspired the title of this post, no connection (apparently only) with anything I was mumbling here these past few minutes. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Led Zeppelin!

Pink Martini and a very busy weekend

It all started on Friday evening. I went out with a colleague for tea. I ended up in a bar, then in a club where I had the "misfortune" of having two shots of tequila. Home around 4. Next morning I was woken up by the phone, I was supposed to go to Sinaia for the wedding and I was kinda late, my friend Oana called to say she was waiting for me. I arrived at the station quite on time. Of course, I was on the train more time than I was in Sinaia, but I was there:) (pictures in a later post). Then, the Concert. I rarely had the occasion to see something so beautiful as the Pink Martini concert I was at. I mean... these guys are great! And I don't know why, but in the end I felt like I went through my whole life with their songs. I remembered my trip to Italy (Una notte a Napoli), everything from my relationship with C (Sympathique, Brasil, Donde estas Yolanda...), he is after all the one to "blame" for my musical taste; and last, but not least, the present (Hang on Little Tomato). And for the first time in my life I regretted my Dad didn't have the patience to properly teach me how to play the violin.
After PM, I went to a bar then to the same club as the other night.
Today I celebrated my brother's birthday:). And his girlfriend's too.
I can't complain, I had quite a weekend which left me voiceless and a bit tired, but somehow ok with myself.

ooops

I did it! I broke my washing machine. Don't ask me how. I know how but I guess I am too lazy to say it in English. It works, lucky me, but that compartment where I put the detergent is not right in it's place. I took it out to wash it, and I couldn't put it back.
Now, this bothered me so much that I even set my messenger status with this issue, and, of course, sooner or later my friends/colleagues started asking how did I do it, what happened, etc.
C suggested I should write a post on this matter, maybe I'll get some online help, which he also exemplified by quoting some blog of a guy switching 2 washing machines, coz one is always broken or about to be fixed. Ok... so I did it and now I expect you guys to teach me how to fix it. Coz I ain't calling nobody to fix it, it's too much trouble, really.
Tomorrow is Friday. yes, I know you know this, but I just wanted to get into the weekend mood. Now, me sleepy, it's late, night night!

this, that (no other)

My mother says that the next will be great for me. She read this in a dime-a-dozen horoscope for 2008, knowing my hidden passion for this kind of things. Thing is everything referred to work, carrier, money. How about me? How about other things in my life? Hmmm, I guess it's getting worse, right?
But I am quite looking forward for this weekend. Saturday is a busy day. I have to travel to Sinaia for Heta's wedding. Then I come back in the evening for the Pink Martini concert. Then I believe I'm going out, that is in a club. Now that's a good day.
I believe I wouldn't have any reason to get bored. I have a pile of books on my desk, waiting for me to read them, I decided it's about time to learn how to swim and, of course, besides looking for a house (which I only say I do, but I never actually do anything about it, it's only an obsession), I might try taking up driving lessons again. This became a delicate subject in my mind, since I consider it a failure. My personal failure. And I am not at all used to failures.
So you see, I am a busy girl:). At least for a while.

...

Kinda of weird days, these days. I suddenly feel like I am broken inside and need time to regroup. I need time to find that inner balance that would bring me back on track. The problem is I don't really know what track is that. I guess this might be interesting, like a surprise in a box of chocolates, but still I am not anymore at the age of looking boldly at the future and see it bright. I learned deception, delusion (much of my own cause, I agree) and I guess being cautious is only the result.
They call me "granny" at the office. Sometimes I understand why. I don't look like one, but I surely act like one from time to time. And this only because my life at the office so much conquered my inner, personal life, that I find it hard not to involve emotionally. My balance, my outer life is almost gone now. And this is why I sometimes (like these days) feel I don't worth much, that I lack that spark that used to made me different (in my own subtle way, of course), I am not interesting, nor witty, nor smart or anything. I just am. I walk, I talk, I do things from the impulse of my conscience. But there is no.... enthusiasm maybe. I can't put my finger on it, but I feel something is missing, that fresh approach that makes me see things clearly and be sure of my decisions.
I never expected this to happen. I never thought that this age will bring me so many confusing days.
My computer is almost broken. I would like a laptop. I've dreamed of one for 6 years now. I have the money to buy one, but I am thinking it over and over: maybe I need the money for the house. Maybe I would go to Barcelona for my birthday. Maybe... it's the weather. I'm waiting for sunnier days. Or maybe for someone to make them sunny.

nothing...

I had some busy days.. I always do when my boss is missing. I have to sort of take care everything is under control.
But today was special because I went to this event about newspapers and media and I really think that after my head will stop spinning, I might have some clear ideas for work:).
Socially I am zero. Really. I never go out. I plan on not staying home this weekend, since I am also free. Maybe take a tour to Ikea:). Or start once again the "M needs a home" campaign. I might be in luck these days.
This is how the conference started. Pretty significant, isn't it?

yeah, right, October again

I guess I must find somewhere people I can hang out with every day. Because autumn makes me feel helpless and lonely, and I really hate going home after a long day of work. Now it's a time to drink tea, talk to friends, in warm comfy places, away from the cold rain outside.
Anyway, October looks like a busy month. Not only that I celebrate my brother on this month (oh, yes, an his girlfriend), but my girl Heta is getting married and there is this Pink Martini concert I look forward to.
Yesterday we had Muse here. I didn't go, everyone was saying that they are great, I was feeling weird I never listened to them before, but I decided not to go. I am not a hypocrite, I cannot go to a concert not knowing what it's all about.
Now Chemical Brothers is somethin' else. I'm going! On the 20th this month.
Gosh.... it would have been so great to have these guys here some years ago!

my own personal saga

I've been meaning to write about this for some time now, I just didn't have the time, nor the mood. I'm at work now, it's Saturday, it's cloudy, the office is warm like a home now to me and I can't stop thinking that my story here, my life as I have it now, started 10 years ago on the 6th of October. It was the first day of school. I was alone in a huge town (coz it seemed huge at that time). My heart was still at home: my boyfriend was there, my parents, my friends, my pink bedroom. Here I had a cold big house, a tiny room in the attic, a sick aunt, an egoist uncle, a shallow cousin....nobody. I remember I was even crying when I was alone.
Still, I believe my beginning here was fortunate. My luck was meeting people I could rely on, people who helped me tremendously and to whom I am grateful to this day. I learned to love this controversed, sometimes dirty, sometimes glamorous city and I am not sorry I made this choice.

something, nothing, anything

Crazy week. Very passionate for those who love animals:). Quite tormented for our IT specialists, poor guys... quite a tormented week for myself as well. This week our website celebrated its 1st year anniversary. I was in the news again:))), much better this time, I seemed more relaxed. Then, in the evening, we all went out to celebrate and after 2 beers I was already drunk and fell asleep (my colleagues have pictures to prove this but I don't think I wanna publish them). Dizzy as I was, I left home since the next morning I had to attend a communication summit. Interesting sayings, but... there was one guy who needed technical support at every slide of his pps coz he, the communication specialist, wasn't able to be technically coherent! I mean, c'moooon, Charlie, how stupid of you was that???
Well, but more about this event you'll find here (in Romanian) and here.
I promised I'll return with some other pictures from my beautiful voyage to the wild wild west and here they are:). These ones are wedding-related.

Luxembourg-Paris-Prague

I had an unforgettable week. Not only that I had like 4 flights in one week, which is a lot since I never took the plane before, but I got to visit 3 European capital cities, I ate things I never tried before (like lobster or moules) and finally came back with a good French accent I lost these past years and maybe with a better understanding of my work. These pictures are from Luxembourg, Paris and Prague (the second). I think I'll always remember this crazy, busy, wonderfully tormenting week. And I realized that going away relaxed me more than seaside or anything else here. It seemed I was gone forever when I came back.
Some other pictures.. on a later post. Now I have to get into Bucharest mode. Processing.... Operation failed. Try again.

experience

What you are about to experience is an exclusive www.protv.ro material:). For Romanian speakers, enjoy its fine irony!

back to English

Quite busy days, these days. After a sales event that ended up in a pub and gave me a full headache the next day, I spent my Saturday looking for clothes. Yes, you heard me, I went to the mall and researched every damn fashion store there, looking for the perfect outfit to honor my friend's wedding next week. I'll be cute:). Hope I won't be freezing though. So next Friday I'll be on my way to this great city I once visited for 3 hours or so. That remembered me I haven't been out of the country for a long long time (I take the trip to Bulgaria out of the question), that I never took the plane to anywhere in this world (yes, it will be my first time in a plane, I know it's 2007...) and, especially, how much I missed traveling. There was a time when going abroad was something natural and understood.
So you'll understand me if the next post won't be very clear (packing and organizing everything might take all of my attention) or if it will be ... next month maybe:)).
But I'll be back, don't worry!

in Romanian today

Incerc sa scriu in romana la cererea publicului. Da, mai, am si eu asa ceva si nu mai radeti acolo ca va aud! Boooon, hai ca prima fraza mi-a iesit:). Sa vedem restul... Scriu in engleza pentru ca atunci cand mi-am facut eu blog, voiam sa ma citeasca TOATA lumea, nu doar putinii bloggeri de Romania. Intre timp, situatia s-a cam schimbat si acum vorbim de roblogosfera, de bloggerii romani, adunati si tunati, care dezbat probleme mai mult sau mai putin importante ale vietii si omenirii si asa mai departe, de genul "ce e viata? ce e omul? si noi ce bem azi?". Plus ca am observat, de cand cu colegu' Costin, ca oamenii astia parca sunt intr-un sat: "Ai vazut ce-a scris ala? Moaaaaama, da ai vazut commentu' meu? Si ce s-a mai ofticat si mi-a dat ban pe blogul lui? Si dup'aia ce-am scris eu la faza asta? Si cum m-a citat X si Y?". Ete, cam asa decurge treaba:). Evident, exagerez nitel. Sunt si bloggeri misto, oameni seriosi, o placere sa-i citesti.
La o intalnire de bloggeri, maestrul de ceremonii declara blogurile "parte a media". Ok... unele pot fi. Unele sunt deja. Dar majoritatea, nicidecum. Faptul ca bloggerii scriu despre o barfa, publica informatii mai mult sau mai putin adevarate, ca reactioneaza la diverse meschinarii nu-i face "surse" demne de luat in seama. Sau nu inca. Nu la noi. Doar ca incercam sa ne inscriem si noi in curentul asta in care pur si simplu parerea oamenilor, exprimata, articulata in blog, poate fi mai puternica decat un articol dintr-un ziar sau decat un reportaj tv. In lumea de azi, da, e posibil. Si la noi sunt tentative, insa nu au ajuns inca atat de puternice.
Pana una-alta, eu prefer sa scriu in engleza. Chiar ziceam azi: cum sa scriu, frate, in romana? Taman acu, dupa atata timp? Asta ar insemna un blog nou, mare bataie de cap:P. Si, recunosc, probabil ca nu m-as putea abtine sa nu scriu chestii la care lumea ar reactiona. Si, da Costin carpatin:P, ai dreptate, succesul ma sperie, dear. Prefer sa scriu un blog putin comentat, dar al meu, personal, pe care doar cineva care chiar tine musai sa ma cunoasca, are rabdare sa-l desluseasca. Sau pe care il citesc doar prietenii mei. Da, aia de ziceam mai ieri-alaltaieri ca nu ma suna:)). Unii dintre ei o fac totusi, asa ca nu ma mai plang.
E, voi, astia de cerurati post in romana, ya happy now?

PS: ca sa raman in ton cu postul, iaca o melodie care ma nostalgizeaza la maxim. Cred ca radacinile proletare ale educatiei mele isi spun cuvantul. Dar n-am decat audioooo!

passion+work - does this still exist?

I couldn't help feeling, all day long, that today was someone's birthday... someone I know... I'm still thinking about it..
Do you think it's possible that "passion" and "work" stay together? In the world of today? I started wondering what passion is these days. And I questioned myself for the meaning of passion within me: am I passionate about something? Anything? Still processing that one, so far I've got nothing. I used to love horoscopes and Tarot and that kinda stuff.... I've lost even that.
Am I passionate about my work? I don't know. I am a little bit obsessed with it, I am dedicated, but I dunno if I am passionate. Is anyone passionate about their work these days? I mean.... really be into it, really love it? The kind that wakes up in the middle of the night because of one brilliant idea, or that forgets everything because his/her work is like a trip to another universe.. does this still exist?

picture

Although I think I am supposed to be a little bit more technical than I am right now, due to the nature of my job, unfortunately it seems I am not as good as I thought. Because I lost like an hour trying to take a picture of myself (that is me on the left) and upload it here, so that I can put the URL to my profile. Initially I was upset because at a profile search here, my blog had no photo! After that I tried to find out how do I do it. And so... I lost a good hour:). I guess I had nothing better to do anyway.
This morning I left Mika closed in the kitchen. Poor thing, when I arrived she was "screaming" her lungs out, I guess it was terrible for her to spend almost 11 hours in one room, with no food or water.
And that happened only because of that damn "the apprentice" thing. I watch it and then I watch "Sex and the city" and then I go to bed tired and wake up dizzy and so I lock the cat in the kitchen. This TV is ruining my life!

LATER EDIT: it was easier than I thought! and I did it! Damn, I'm smaart:))).

living on my own

I guess being alone makes me a little bit nostalgic. In fact, I hardly think about myself right now. I don't know what's goin' on with my soul these days. I believe it's not in a very good mood...
I am a little bit afraid of being alone. I have always been surrounded by people. I have always lived with somebody. I hate the empty house and I'm sure autumn will make it worse. But I think it was about time I face this in my life, to deal with it and get used to it. Because in the end, we get used to everything, good or bad. And so I must get used to having friends who never call, weird neighbors and an unhappy cat. In a month or two, I could even get used to the empty house.
But I'm not sure I could get used to the lack of words. I need words to stir my imagination, to be in a good mood, to shine, to blossom, to sleep well. Crazy as it sounds, I need somebody to tell me I look good in order for me to believe it. I need to be told I am loved to be well.

Saturday

Around here today:). Did my nails professionally for the first time in my almost 29 years. It looks ok, but I ruined one nail trying to cut the bread. Nevertheless, I'm a lady:). I also had my hair done, I look like a dumb kid:), but this is alright, I guess my moral needed a change of look. And I do everything for my moral, I hate it when it's down.
This is my first weekend off alone. I do nothing. I have plenty to do, the house is a mess, the cat is bored and lonely, the pile of books to read is waiting, and the pile of movies to watch as well, but I can't seem to want anything. I read blogs, google people and smoke.
Somehow I feel English is limiting me. I wish I could write in Romanian, although I'm afraid it could be a disaster. This feeling lasts since high school when I wrote a piece on one of Oriana Fallaci's books, "If the Sun dies". Both my parents decided it was unpublishable. Nobody since then encouraged me to write, although I liked it, I couldn't live without it. C has a great talent, too bad he is not using it. I made me even more frustrated I couldn't write. And now..I guess it's too late, I'm too damn busy to concentrate on anything. Even on ME.
I'll go back to doing nothing now. Maybe I'll end up doing something.

SL

As long as we've been all waited for it, it finally happened. Yes. It did. The star of our department finally appeared on TV saying stuff about Second Life. Labeled "IT Specialist". Well, he is, as a matter of fact, and his sayings were deep:)). This is why it is up there, listed in the top stories of our site, among accidents, hijacked planes and luxurious holidays of our fellow Romanians. Eh, that was the least I could do, SINCE I AM THE EDITOR AND THE CONTENT MANAGER OF THAT SITE!!! All in one.
No wonder I look crazy sometimes. Besides having no life at all.
Indeed, I feel I lost the meaning of everything these days. I try to cover it, to stay strong, but sometimes it shows. I'll get used to it, I suppose.
I'm going to bed now. I'm working tomorrow. (yes, tomorrow IS Sunday)

crazy days

It's been like crazy around here these days. I left my office no later than 10 in the evening and I'll work during the weekend. I had one day off, today. Th worst part of it all is my feelings for what I do. I feel I don't have any..landmarks anymore, I don't know if what I'm doing is right or wrong and nobody is telling me that. I feel people are kinda discontented by what I do and I never receive a hint that could motivate my evolution. I hate it. I hate it because I feel I'm blind. I'll try to structure it as much as I can and develop a system of my own that could comply with work...but this would be damn difficult since I don't know anything...about anything anymore.

But today was nice because I met my friend Corina from Luxembourg, she'll get married there in September and I'm going! We established the last details before we go there and I'm looking forward to go on this trip. And yes, eat "mule":)).

vem vet

J'aime le passe. C'est plus rassurant que le present et bien plus sur que l'avenir.